My A' level journey

 

A, levels 2021-2023

This blog is going to be a long one. This has been an anticipated writeup for me. The only thing that fettered me till now was the fact that my unusually long A levels wasn’t ready to reach the finish line and I desired to have assurance, with what I place into this much-yearned piece. Hence, the wait.

Normally, A levels extends to two years. Some may even do it in a year or less. However, mine extended to almost a full of three years beginning from the May of 2021 and finally ending on the 21^st of June 2023.

Why is it worth writing about? Well, isn’t everybody’s journey worth writing about?

For me, unlike a regular college-attending student, the experience of A levels was a paradigm-shift. I was expecting difficulties and I knew that A levels was a far more rigorous educational regime as compared to O'level. However, I was totally unaware of what life was prepared to offer.

Now to get a backdrop of events, While I was in O'level, I was an extremely different person, difficult too, like my family would rather like to put, I believe. Saying that I was an inconsiderate girl, wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration too. It astonishes me to my wildest imaginations that the school has practically convinced all of us that ‘if you are good at exams, the rest can wait’. While many high-achievers may disagree with me, because honestly speaking, we don’t really like much people challenging our views with regards to exams and grades, the school has, undeniably, done a great job at manipulating our callow minds-the only thing it is good at. I am glad that I did not attend a college for A levels when I was nearly about to attend one.

The first six months, subsequent to me taking the decision to homeschool myself, were horrifying. I had been planning on various things and had done my research too, but did that really suffice was a question anybody could make. I had all the books that I needed to prepare for As level (the first year for A levels). Nothing worked anyway. Every time I made a timetable, I would end up throwing it into trash. The books lay everywhere in my room, but uninvitingly. For things to get worse, I had begun to feel threatened by an imaginary disease that made me feel like I will potentially lose most of my abilities, especially my ability to study.

Congrats, I had 7A*s in O'level, and that I think that does explain my hypochondriasis!

Much of my O'level, I won’t count myself as a contemplative person. Life was just going with the flow like everybody else’s around mine. And anything that would challenge my idea would either be dismissed as a change that I would claim I can’t adapt to-that was an all-time scapegoat I would offer myself-, or fall a prey to my defensive reasoning. I rarely observed. If I ever pondered, it was only about how I could make my educational life better. But was that enough? Does life really mean being a bookaholic and escaping from one’s responsibilities in the name of education? Was education only confined to books?

During the first year, I had registered for two of my exams, Psychology and Sociology. I had been confident, that Sociology was my stronghold and that I can effortlessly ace it. I was, however skeptical with Psychology, since I had no prior experience with the subject. I therefore registered for online Psychology tuitions from the best teacher in city and paid a handsome amount every month for 8 classes-that’s too much if you ask me now. It was fun initially. The classes were similar to the patterns that I have had experience of in the rest of subjects. But something would constantly bother me. Firstly, there were only 8 classes which I felt were not sufficient to help me have a balanced routine. Secondly, they teacher didn’t allow online transactions and therefore my brother had to travel long distance every month to pay the fee. The classes, nevertheless, didn’t seem worth the hassle. I quitted after 5 months only. After this, there were no more tuitions.

This may deliver the idea of a confident and decisive me, but mentally, after leaving the classes, I didn’t really stand in the position to study myself. The lack of a balanced and set routine was a barrier too, I perceive. However, the biggest problem that I recognize now were the fact that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms of having the school abandoned. And that is where the idea of independent education and self-study came in. I am firmly convinced that, schools make us dependent. Exams make us dependent. This is the very reason that students hate studying unless it is for an exam. In my case, 13 years of capitalistic education had indoctrinated into me, that education was only possible if somebody else planned it. During my reflective process also, I made a lot of errors in identifying the problem. For example, there were times where I would purely accuse circumstances for my lack of fervor for studying, notwithstanding the fact that everybody in my house was fairly supportive, that too, with my unbearably inconsiderate attitude. I have now learned that before one points fingers on the credibility of anybody’s commitment to his well-being, he should rather ask, if he is committed to his own self.

Personally, A levels gave me much more questions than it urged me to solve. I had enough past papers already, but the other questions that kept bugging me didn’t seem to have an efficiently compiled marking scheme.

 P.S; I didn’t appear for the exam, I had paid a huge amount for, to the British council.

Subsequent to this, covid arrived. Exams were being held, despite. I didn’t take even one. In response to this, my brother realized that I should join Darse Nizami so that I begin to rethink life. This was the turning point, Alhumdulillah. Initially, Darse Nizami didn’t really fascinate me. It was just something that I did because my brother felt that this was the right thing to do.

To my fortune, things had begun to fall into place.

By the time I was half done with the first year of Darse Nizami, I was also preparing independently for Psychology and Sociology and later on World History. After my first As level exam experience, I couldn’t believe that I had given an advanced level exam without any external help at all (you may read my experience of the first As-level exam in another blog). All the things that I learned during self-study would probably need another whole blog dedicated to it. With life recatching its pace, my interest towards Darse Nizami also grew considerably, leading me to my current self where it has become one of my top most priorities.

I don’t really consider much to impart here, except for the fact that we all need to stop waiting for things to resolve beforehand. Sometimes, failure of a given strategy does not require changing the strategy. It requires changing the problem. Sometime a change in problem results in the solution for things that resist resolving. In my case, if I had kept on focusing on A levels, my life would have stagnated. But shifting my focus onto Darse Nizami divulged upon me, a distinct reality. And hence, I now believe, it is vital for us to allow ourselves to grow with the process. As opposed to our opinions, tweaking little parts of our lives can create ways in dead-ends. Small changes can be wondrous.

To the extent that self-study and homeschooling have been effective in my life is way beyond any grade could measure. In fact, much in life is way beyond a grade could measure. But if anybody does doubt a child’s potential to achieve a grade for a thing as difficult as A levels, I shall tell you that I received 2As and 1B in As level (A being the highest possible grade in Subsidiary level). Also, only through self-study, I was able to upgrade to an A* in Psychology in the next year (A2). My A in Sociology was maintained and my grade in History is due to arrive. Mind that, I in no way believe that any grade can help or determine how one gets a knack at navigating life and its complexities. This is just for parents and teachers who very easily accuse homeschoolers that they won’t receive a grade like college students.

The whole point of writing this blog is to make students realize their potentials and concede the fact that it is ok to fail. I don’t really feel flattered if somebody says, you have always been intelligent as an excuse to escape self-study. Neither is it fairly understandable to assume that homeschooling works smoothly for intelligent kids only. Nobody gets it the easy way. I was an extraordinary student up till my O'level, but the fact that I suffered extreme amounts of stress and exhaustion once I began educating myself is a reality many high achievers are still blindfolded to. Just being intelligent doesn’t bring peace to the family, doesn’t make you experience the beauty of relationships and certainly doesn’t allow you to realize what you are capable of.